“Screens simulated. Sequences shortened. Games sold separately. Additional subscriptions and/or requirements apply for some features. See Xbox.com/XboxONE”.
That is the message that appears lightning fast (2 and a half seconds approximately) across the screen on Xbox ONE commercials. I had to pause the commercial to be able to read it because it faded into the background color and blipped as it appeared and disappeared, so really that’s not even a full readable message for 2.5 seconds but rather the length of a rapid fade in / fade out animation.
Let’s take a minute to analyze that:
- “Screens simulated” – It doesn’t really work like this. We’re just f*$@#ing with ya! 😉
- “Sequences shortened” – because there’s lag, you’ll have to say the same commands over and over before it recognizes you, and it doesn’t really work that fast, but you could just grab a controller I mean am I right? Even though you paid for the camera without a choice…
- “Additional subscriptions and/or requirements apply for some features” – at the very least, it should say “more” if not “all”. This is an outright lie by Microsoft. All you can do is launch single player games and play them offline only. You can’t browse the web, maybe you can watch blu-rays, but you can’t order movies off the internet, you can’t take a look at YouTube, can’t SkyDrive, you can’t watch / stream with Twitch, you can’t Skype.
You’re an all-in-one device, but you can’t do anything. When they reversed DRM, don’t you think maybe they should have reversed the functions too, so you could at least use Internet Explorer and video chat capabilities? Five smart TV’s in my house and I can Skype in one, use Hulu+ on all of them, all it takes is an internet connection just like PC and PS3. There’s no Samsung $60 a month fee for apps. You’re already paying Netflix, why should you pay Microsoft for it?
Imagine for a second, what if they didn’t cut the DRM? Would we even be able to play single player games without Xbox LIVE GOLD? If you want us to pay Xbox LIVE GOLD you should have been able to cut a deal with Netflix, Hulu+, and any other service you want to sell us regardless if this requires you to increase the price of Xbox LIVE GOLD and it’s pretty hard to see a message when it’s 2.5 seconds long and half of it is behind a white background so it cannot be seen. It took pausing the screen, rewinding, fast forwarding back and forth multiple times and it took a lot longer to read the message than it took for you to sneak it past us.
Let us not gloss over the fact this is a total misrepresentation to the reality that is the Xbox ONE. The Tiles don’t even work and do nothing but complain the second you’re not connected to the internet. Games won’t even boot up without complaining about your lack of Xbox LIVE GOLD as if to say “pfft, I have to boot up for this loser? He doesn’t even have GOLD!”.
Here’s a list of some of the features that don’t work without Xbox LIVE GOLD Memberships (for each account not just one account like how PS+ works with one account per console on PS3 and PS4):
– Internet Explorer (seriously? yes, seriously)
– Upload / Streaming (Of Gameplay)
– Hulu (Plus or not, it doesn’t matter, you need GOLD)
– Xbox Premium Music App
– Basic Music Video App
– VUDU HDTV Movies
– NFL App
– Fantasy Football App
– And More
You can’t even pay Microsoft for Music unless you have LIVE Gold account. Some all-in-one huh… More on this once we stop spitting coffee all over our office monitors in disbelief that 2.5 seconds of font size 2 text is considered a fair warning for consumers being duped into an “All-In-One Media Device” that can’t even sell you movies without a subscription fee.
And for those who might dare compare this to cable television subscription fees, just – NO. Cable companies don’t ask you for $500 upfront plus tax just for a box that later requires more to get on the internet.
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