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Thief Post-Mortem Review

By Jon Ireson in Post-Mortem Review

Thief RealGamerNewz Review

Thief is a complete disgrace to a long-lasting series which many (including myself) considered a unique and fun classic title of the past. Growing up with PC Gaming and Console gaming, and watching the industry evolve from the Nintendo NES to the Xbox Original (which I played Thief’s first entry on) was an incredible experience. Back then, it seemed like even the crappiest of games had something to add to the business of creating these interactive experiences we all spent so much of our time inhabiting. Thief was one of those games that had a very unique feel to it despite lots of similarities to games that already existed. It had a signature feel that you probably won’t get, even by replaying the original on its intended hardware. Nostalgia is a double edged sword. People think they can go back in time and relive the classics just because a remake, reboot, or remaster is released. Unfortunately many times this is not true.

If you’re wondering why I’m doing a post-mortem review on a game like this, part of the reason is because when it first came out I couldn’t bare to write about a masterpiece from my teen years being dragged through a field of thorns and left to die in the sahara heat. Thief is a corpse of a former great franchise which is no longer with us.¬†For some odd reason, Eidos Montreal and Square Enix have saw fit to bring that corpse out from under its grave and prance it around like in Weekend at Bernie’s, only this time the joke’s on them.

Thief’s artificial intelligence is completely bonkers. Enemies magically see you even with their back turned to you just because you stepped out of the light, but the levels are designed so that there’s often no other way. The first person view of this game is pretty offensive, since the original could be played in third person and in fact was a lot better that way. The new version is like guesswork, and controls / hit detection are so bad that Epic Games should probably sue Square Enix for slandering Unreal Engine.

There’s no freedom at all to this game. It feels like one long tutorial from hell. Playing Thief is essentially participating in the most dirty of activities and never getting that payoff in the end which you first arrived for. You’ll always walk away regretful and ticked off. Yep, this is going to be one of those reviews where readers scroll to the bottom really fast to view just how low the score ended up and then come back to the text with a huge grin because the internet feeds off of negativity. But know that I’m not smiling. As mentioned earlier, this game is a disgrace to the millions of fans who made this franchise what it is today.

Final Verdict:

In the end, it’s almost depressing that this game was allowed to release. The best thing I can say about Corridor Simulator 2014, sorry I mean “Thief 2014” is that it’s playable. But if you played the original, you’ll know pretty quickly this game is a bastard child. If you are reading this Review and haven’t played the game yet, don’t do it. You’ll be extremely disappointed even if you don’t have to pay money for it.¬†Nicolas Cantin is credited for directing this title and if I was him I would not have stuck around to let my name get slapped on this steaming heap. Sure, others may tell you that the game isn’t all that bad and that I’m overreacting – but this is basically the most sloppy recreation of a video game in a long time and looks like something the Unreal Engine modding community could have trumped with their eyes closed. Stay far, far away from this game and instead preserve the fond memories you have of the original by just letting Thief go.

Official Trailer:

Overall Score: 3 / 10

RGN Rating: Below Bronze

Developer: Eidos Montreal

Publisher: Square Enix

Available Now On: GamersGate (PC)

Also Available On: PS4 | XO | PS3 | 360

Played On: Windows PC

Review Copy Info: A digital copy of this game was provided to RealGamerNewz by the vendor for the purpose of this Review.

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